Watch "A Weekend with my Narcissistic In-Laws" on YouTube

I just got back from a weekend with my narcissistic in-laws. My narcissistic father in-law married his narcissistic girlfriend. Once again, I am still realizing the shots they threw in their sick covert manner. I so wish I had recorded the toasts. All of her families’ toasts, including her own, were about what she/they had gained from him, and what he has done for them. My husband’s families’ toasts were about how she made him happy and put a smile on his face again. 
The following link is to a blog post about the last time I saw them 3 years ago. I cut them out of my life after that, but agreed to go to the wedding if my husband talked to them first about how things are going to go from now on, meaning no more passive aggressive bullshit. 

https://pokingholesblog.com/2015/08/12/i-think-my-so-called-step-mother-in-law-is-a-narc-too/
Disclaimer: 

I am not a mental health professional nor am I an academic expert on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). I am here to share my story, both past and present, as I continue on a journey of awakening and recovery from CPTSD.

When the Narcissistic Mother Hoovers

I got a text from my narcissistic mother on Sunday. I haven’t received any communication from her for over a year because I had her blocked from my phone. Somehow, she got through anyway.

I am feeling very triggered by this. I keep catching myself getting pulled into an emotional flashback several times a day. I’m getting better at recognizing the signs before getting pulled down the rabbit hole again.

Anyhow, here is me talking about when my narcissistic mother tried to hoover me 3 days ago.

Narcissism: No contact and the Narcissistic Grandmother

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I’m not sure what to do. It is one of my children’s birthday today, and I thought my narcissist mother and narcissist golden child sister would be leaving town this morning.

My mother texted my husband yesterday and asked if our child could go over to her house for lunch today. He didn’t mention it to me until this morning, and it instantly triggered me. Crying. Confused. Guilty. Mess.

I have arranged a family birthday party tonight thinking they would be gone. I haven’t had any contact since Sept.17th. (See blog post entitled “No Contact”)

I told both of them I’m done and didn’t want any further contact. I spam blocked their numbers from my phone and haven’t tried to contact them. That was only 17 days ago.

Their birthdays’, which are 1 day apart, which they always celebrate together, are in a few days. I won’t be going to any bday party if there is one.  I know I am right about them. I know they are narcissists and are incapable of real love. I know because of how they have been treating me.

I’m feeling agitated and anxious,  because I have a feeling they are going to try and show up, or somebody else is going to text them to come over.

I want my sweet baby to feel the love, but I’m afraid of what it might turn out like if we go ahead with it. I’m just not strong enough yet to face them…if ever. Maybe I can sneak away. I don’t know.  He already had a large friend birthday party a couple of days ago.

I am feeling guilt because I’m denying my baby his grandmother. But, am I really denying him anything? She was abusive to all 6 of her children. What makes me think she won’t try it with him. Especially, if I’m not there with him.

What would you do??? :'(

~ Poking Holes ~

Narcissism: Does my fat protect me?

I want to talk a bit about body image issues.

As far back as I can remember, my narcissistic mom (NM) has been on one diet or another. My Golden Child Sister (GCS) has been watching what she eats since she was 10, if not younger. All 5 of us girls have issues with our weight.

My weight has yoyoed up and down my whole adult life. Each time becoming heavier than the last.

I am currently at the heaviest I have EVER been my whole life. I gained 70 lbs in the last 9 months that I lived with my NM.

My NM knew I was struggling, starting and restarting the eating plan that I had used to lose 50 lbs the year previous. She would come home with “treats”, or bake something gluten free (we’re both intolerant) and say it was especially for me. Sabotage, or what? I would eat the whole thing too. That was my MO. Binge eating. Stuff stuff stuff those feelings down. Just blindly stuffing, not even really tasting it. My mom is a binge eater too, but she can’t eat as much as she used to now that she’s older. She used to binge and purge. I can’t do the purging thing. I tried a couple of times.

My maternal grandmother was very judgmental towards “fat” people. She was very outspoken about somebody being fat, and that was usually the first thing that she would comment on about somebody, their weight. “Wow! Is she ever FAT!” She was also a NM. My mom has slowly opened up to us in the last few years about some of the things my grandmother would do and say to her when she was a child. My grandmother wasn’t skinny either. Not until she got older, then she thinned right out.

I just read something that really hit home with me. I may have piled on the pounds to insulate me from NM. The whole time we lived with her was horrible. It ruined any relationship we had left. Well, that and learning that she is textbook case of narcissistic personality disorder.

I don’t even know how to be around her now, or even what to say, so I just stay away. She doesn’t really seem to care either, which kind of hurts because she used to call me her “best friend”. More on that at a later date.

While we lived there, I couldn’t walk into the same room as her without feeling her looking me up and down, and then her making some comment about my body (usually my ass), or an article of clothing I was wearing. I don’t know, I just found it weird and intrusive. Like, stop looking at my frigging body! It’s not like it was something new between us either. I had just hit my limit with it.

Apparently, on a metaphysical level, we gain weight for self protection. I’m going to do some reading on the subject, but it seems legit to me.

In closing, I have been out of NM’s house for 21 days, and I have lost 9.5 lbs.

~ Poking Holes ~

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