cptsd, daughters of narcissistic mothers, No Contact, , , ,

image

I’m not sure what to do. It is one of my children’s birthday today, and I thought my narcissist mother and narcissist golden child sister would be leaving town this morning.

My mother texted my husband yesterday and asked if our child could go over to her house for lunch today. He didn’t mention it to me until this morning, and it instantly triggered me. Crying. Confused. Guilty. Mess.

I have arranged a family birthday party tonight thinking they would be gone. I haven’t had any contact since Sept.17th. (See blog post entitled “No Contact”)

I told both of them I’m done and didn’t want any further contact. I spam blocked their numbers from my phone and haven’t tried to contact them. That was only 17 days ago.

Their birthdays’, which are 1 day apart, which they always celebrate together, are in a few days. I won’t be going to any bday party if there is one.  I know I am right about them. I know they are narcissists and are incapable of real love. I know because of how they have been treating me.

I’m feeling agitated and anxious,  because I have a feeling they are going to try and show up, or somebody else is going to text them to come over.

I want my sweet baby to feel the love, but I’m afraid of what it might turn out like if we go ahead with it. I’m just not strong enough yet to face them…if ever. Maybe I can sneak away. I don’t know.  He already had a large friend birthday party a couple of days ago.

I am feeling guilt because I’m denying my baby his grandmother. But, am I really denying him anything? She was abusive to all 6 of her children. What makes me think she won’t try it with him. Especially, if I’m not there with him.

What would you do??? :'(

~ Poking Holes ~

0 comments

  1. Jojo

    Reply

    If she’s too toxic for you, she’s too toxic for your children. In my opinion, you are doing completely the right thing by keeping her out of your children’s lives. I know how hard it is. I’ve been NC for three years now. It’s a very rocky road but I promise you it will get easier.

    • Jojo

      Reply

      Even though you’re questioning yourself, you seem to be doing everything right. Just keep trusting your instincts. DONMs are taught by their NMs not to trust their instincts so it’s something you have to start learning to do.

    • Jojo

      Reply

      Also, the guilt you’re feeling is just the guilt she trained you to feel whenever you ‘wronged’ her. I felt horrendous guilt when I first went NC and for a long time. I thought it would never go. And I had this overwhelming feeling all the time that I couldn’t believe this was my life (a kind of shock I suppose) but it really has faded and I actually think I don’t feel guilty anymore which is like a miracle!

    • Jojo

      Reply

      I keep thinking of more to say… You said it’s sad and I totally get what you mean but the only thing that’s actually sad is that you don’t have a loving mother who can be trusted to be a loving grandmother. Keeping your son away from a N is not sad at all; it’s the right thing to do.

Leave a Reply