I finally contacted my sister who was/is the family scapegoat. I was afraid to at first. I held back from doing it for a long time. I was worried about hurting her in some way, and also worried that I would end up getting hurt as well.

I sent her a couple of links to webpages and said “Check this out. Let me know what you think.”

These are the links I sent her. Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers.

Her simple reply was so validating that I felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

She said “its all true lol”. I felt so relieved, but at the same time deep regret that I was right.

We texted back and forth about things we remember happening, about what is happening now, and what we are doing about it. We are both suffering from symptoms of c-ptsd. We both had to drop out of post secondary school because we are having memory problems. I will save the rest of what we talked about, and continue to talk about, for future blog posts.

Get this though!!!

When I first discovered what was going on with my family, I told both my narcissistic mom and my narcissistic golden child sister that they treated the scapegoat sister horribly all her life. How our narcissistic mom encouraged all of us to tease and make fun of her, to call her a liar, anything to make her believe she was nothing. She stuttered terribly. I felt so bad for her. Of course, they both denied all of it.

Here is the thing. My scapegoat sister told me that since I confronted them, our nm and our ngcs have been really nice to her, and she is finding it very weird. My mom has been telling her that she loves her, something she said nm rarely ever did. She said nm has been sucking up to her, by snuggling up beside her on the couch, something she has also never done. My scapegoat sister made me laugh when she said it creeped her out. Also, ngcs loaned her money to get a new place when she broke up with her boyfriend and needed to find a new place to live. She is not falling for their bullshit though. She never did. She is the truth teller, but I was taught to believe she was the biggest liar in the whole world.

Can you say damage control though? Do they really believe she is falling for their crap?

I can’t wait to see her so that I can hug her and properly apologize to her for getting sucked into their web of craziness and lies. You see, we used to be close. My ngcs took several opportunities to tell me why I shouldn’t hang out with sgs, and why she is bad news. Here, it was her that was bad news all along. I wish I knew how they get away with being so vile, yet still manage to make the rest of the world think they are good people.

Now, that my suspicions have been validated, it’s time to continue on my healing journey. I’m feeling stuck though. I think I’m afraid of what I will remember. My brain is already shutting down on me and I’m having trouble recalling childhood memories, good or bad.

~ Poking Holes ~