I have been struggling with recovery even after being 20 months no contact with my narcissistic mother. I have been doing some research, which has led me to my problem. Acceptance. 

Meredith’s Video on her youtube channel, Inner Integration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oGdY9MqISw

Skip ahead to 10:36 to get to the part I am referring to. 

Resources:This is the article I mentioned, where I got the story I tell at the end. 

https://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2017/05/the-loyalty-bind-of-the-narcissists-child/

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional nor am I an academic expert on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). I am here to share my story, both past and present, as I continue on a journey of awakening and recovery from CPTSD.

https://youtu.be/2BB8BFY1O2c