Not feeling so good this morning. I feel less than and like I’m not good enough.

I’m having an emotional flashback.

I always try to figure out what triggered me to feel this way. It helps me to understand myself and my cptsd better.

Before I started feeling this way I was telling myself that I need to speak to my boss about a matter pertaining to my pay.

Right away I started feeling this way.

Anytime I need to speak to an authority figure about something I get these feelings of being unworthy to speak up for myself. Like I don’t deserve it and like they are not going to like me if I do it.

Once I do it the feeling always goes away though. Because that’s all it is, a feeling. An old feeling left over from my traumatic childhood where I learned that I was not to question anything or make her look stupid.

I need to remember that my bosses are new to being employers, so the thing I am going to speak to them about may not have crossed their minds and I may actually be helping them.

It really helps me to think things through and to figure out the reason I was triggered. Doing this has helped me to realize that even though I was triggered and afraid to do the thing that caused the trigger, once I do it anyway it helps me to see that nothing bad happened and that will hopefully help to rewire my brain into believing that I am safe and that I am an adult that can handle these situations now.

I wish you all peace and love.