Whenever I get this particular feeling in the pit of my stomach, I literally feel like I’ve done something wrong. I begin to think back to things that I have done throughout the day that could have caused this feeling to occur.

This feeling is different though. This feeling isn’t from something that happened today. It is from something traumatic that happened repeatedly throughout my childhood. It is called an emotional flashback.

Whenever I get this feeling, and I feel like I must have done something wrong, I know I am having an emotional flashback. I used to catch myself saying out loud “What have I done?”, or “I feel like I did something wrong”. That has become a clear sign to me that I am having an emotional flashback.

It’s so sad that as a little girl I felt that way, and that it became normal for me to blame myself for everything.

“I must have done something wrong for them to treat me that way.”

“I must be a bad girl for my mommy to be so mean to me.”

“I must have done something wrong for them to hate me so much.”

“What have I done?”

I’ve noticed that since I have brought my awareness to that feeling, and told myself each time I have it that I am having an emotional flashback, I notice it quicker now and can pull myself back to the present.

Awareness is everything.