I’m odd.
I want to be close to other people,
and can sometimes allow myself to be.
I also want to be alone,
and as soon as somebody seems to want to spend time with me,
I revolt.
Why do I do this?
The people that I trusted the most betrayed me,
Stabbed me in the back,
Blindsided me.
Now, I find it hard to let people become close to me.
I trust no one.
I know there are good people out there, but I am still in survival mode.
I still feel the need to protect myself from others.
This is the lasting effects of childhood trauma.
Yep, you were in my head when you wrote that, surely!! The only difference with me being that I don’t run away if anyone tries to get close because I’ve made sure to keep anyone from knowing me enough to even want to get close…and as I sit in my self-made jail of loneliness I can only blame myself as I have chosen the road I currently travel on…needing to change but feeling hopelessly stuck it’s insane!!