People only bring up your past when they are threatened by your present. When I moved back to my hometown it was something I had wanted from the moment I moved away. I couldn’t wait to move back and get a job teaching in my hometown. Prior to the interview I noticed that the human […]
*Potential Trigger* What are Repressed Memories? When we are very young children an event such as sexual abuse can be so traumatic to us that we will bury all memory of the abuse ever happening. It never stays buried though. These memories will lay dormant until a time that our brains feel we are in […]
*Potential Trigger* I have a partial memory, which I dismissed from my mind the first few times I had it. In this memory, I am small and wearing a nightgown. That’s what us girls wore to bed to sleep in when we were little. It is like a long sleeved flannel dress. In this memory […]
The memories I have of my early childhood are very few and far between. All I have are my gut feelings. I’ve learned to trust those. You may call it your instincts or your intuition, but it’s all the same. I was alway afraid of my 2nd eldest sister. She was 8 when I was […]
Happy New Year everybody. Here are my goals for the new year. What does the new year have in store for you? Let me know in the comments. ~ Poking Holes
#Potential Trigger* I’m going to start writing about the memories of abuse from my childhood that come to me, as they come to me. I’m not sure what prompted this particular memory, but here it is. If I swore my mother would take me to the bathroom and wash my mouth out with soap. She […]
I just had a memory of my mother shrieking and then yelling “why are you doing this to me?” My heart felt like a ball of fear. That’s all I could feel. Fear, and this tightness in my chest. Funny how a memory can make me feel the physical feelings of fear I felt as […]
They’re hoovering again…. If they really loved me they would leave me alone. They think they can make things go back to the way they were before. They can’t. Things can never go back to the way they were before. I know too much. The veil has been lifted and it cannot be replaced. It […]
I have been going through a lot of emotional turmoil this weekend. I don’t know what triggered it. Maybe passing by my sister after not seeing her for over a year. Maybe it’s the time of year getting to me. I’ve been feeling detached from life, but I think that is because I have been […]
It is 2:58 am. I am in my office. I came in here to write a blog post, but I keep shuffling papers and journals around and can’t shake this feeling of an impending emotional flashback. I am extremely irritable. I am sad. My self esteem is very low. I feel like I am a […]
